I was going with friends supposedly this week to PRC and have my teaching license renewed.

Yes, I am a licensed teacher, technically.

I never renewed the license though, and never really had to use it because I mostly worked for the government and only taught one semester (two college subjects). So I really cringe at the thought of how much my penalties would be, for not renewing it every five years.

I graduated 1998 and passed the LET that same year.

Plus, I will pay some more for a change of name.

I really need another ID though. Some banks don't think my postal ID is enough to open bank accounts with. I only have that and my passport to identify me officially.

But like what I said, I would have to postpone this endeavor because the weekend took its toll on me and I need to be lying down again most of the time.

Such moments make me think of the phrase "life shelved" which is ironic because "life grows" inside of me. :) Ah, such is the fate of all women who choose to multiply.

A Realization and a New Dream

7:53 AM Sunday, April 25, 2010

I just realized that just when I am planning to become more actively involved and volunteer for a support group for childhood cancer, I get pregnant. Honest!

First, there was that time after Py just died. Mr. Perez of Project Brave Kids just found my blog, and his son Seve was also still undergoing chemo treatments then and he wanted for us to touch base. But Py has already died nga. I looked up their site and thought to myself, i'd just go help cheer the other sick kids at PCMC up.

But I found myself pregnant and that idea was shelved. Not only was it a difficult pregnancy, I also didn't want to be going to hospitals and expose myself to opportunistic viruses.

And then last March, I was assigned to write about two cancer foundations. I was surprised that Cancer Warriors Foundation is actually just in Paco. And they have been around for ten years already. We could have really used the emotional support then. They hold weekly support meetings somewhere in Ermita/Malate and I was like: This is it, another chance to reach out to children with cancer and their families. I can't give them money I don't have, but I can give them my time.

Then I found out I'm pregnant again. I'd still love to volunteer as story teller/teacher but I can't now. I am still scared of the possible viruses, given that sick children seem to be a magnet for them.

I wonder what Life is trying to tell me... I am pretty sure it's not that I shouldn't help them. Could it be though that Life is reminding me about how the circle of life continues? That though I have lost a precious nephew to cancer, I am being blessed with healthy kids now?

Or does Life mean that I am not ready yet?

Truth be told, I doubt I will ever have the stomach for barfs and the smell of disease. But maybe emotionally, I am not really at that level where I can really give just yet?



I was at a storytelling workshop yesterday and realized that I want to be a good one. I don't want to make a business out of it, but I really want to be reading and telling stories to kids... like the underprivileged ones in sad areas, and sick children, and maybe kids in rural areas.

Well, it was partly why I took up FSL classes. But now, I really, really, really see myself as Lola Basyang. I want to have nieces and nephews clamoring to hear me tell a story.

So maybe, I should really have become a preschool teacher? Hahaha.

Well, I will be a homeschooling Mom anyway.

Hey You...

5:25 PM Saturday, April 10, 2010

... the person. How are you?

I just thought you might be getting overwhelmed by your pregnancy and all its implications that you might be forgetting who you are again, the person. Then again, you've really involved yourself so much in mothering, I don't think people can separate you from the Mom in you anymore.

And I guess that's okay too.

But really, how are you?

Well, for what it's worth... I sometimes catch myself resentful of the hormones, eventhough I would probably go mental if they stop wreaking havoc in my body. I know I should be thankful that even though I feel sick, I am not really sick as opposed to being sick.

And yeah, I guess there is that sadness over the many things i'd set aside again, all in the glory of motherhood and family. It's not just the earning and socializing opportunities, but the journey to another aspect of ME just really has to be shelved for now.

Definitely no trips abroad in the next two years... unless we're migrating, which is very unlikely.

And maybe no nice things again (not that I don't have a lot of good things).

But maybe this is the opportunity to be more that I was waiting for.

I am thankful, definitely. My parents are still alive and fairly healthy, and I have a great relationship with my sister, and a working one with my brother. My marriage is ok to great (depending on my moods), my child is healthy and happy, my purchasing power is available, even if limited.

I am worried about the coming elections. I don't want half the population migrating from hopelessness with the leadership situation and I certainly don't want more crime resulting from poverty.

And I am somehow convinced that Ondoy will happen again. It's the ants eating my cheese floss in the ref that tells me there is dire need there.

Oh... I miss reading. I have two Readers Digests I haven't read yet. That's crazily unacceptable for me!