women molesters

10:43 AM Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Was absent from work for two days... yesterday, I occupied my afternoon with TV. I'm not sure if it was the latest/current Oprah episode but anyway, it tackled teachers (well into their 20s or early 30s) who engaged in sexual relationships with their students.

One of the guests, a rehabilitating molester, was brave enough to talk about what happened... and how sorry she was. She didn't look bad and I felt myself being sorry for her.

Oprah also had the parents of the boy the molester had sex with. The boy was only 13 when it happened... and the molester was stupid enough to have gotten pregnant. Their child is now 3 years old.

It was pretty evident that the parents are still mad as hell with what happened. The father kept referring to the molester as a RAPIST. And I couldn't blame him... i'd probably do the same if it happened to my child. And it's true, what they said, that the damage is everlasting... for not only was a young boy taken advantage of, he now has a child he has to explain to future girlfriends. Parents (and their daughters) might reject him.

It's not to say that abused kids cannot go on and recover to lead happy lives... after all, a scratched pot still remains a pot, and could still be used... even when it's already broken to pieces (yun nga lang, as pamato na lang... or something like that). But the scars always remain... and not everyone has the grace to stop being a victim.

One other couple came with their son, whose molester is currently in prison. He was also only 13 when he started having a relationship with his teacher... and I think it was about their third time sexually that he was able to experience his first orgasm. Yes, he was that young. Their relationship went on for around 3 months till it was discovered by his parents, who reported it to the police. Much to their son's dismay, another boy came out. This other boy was 'with' the teacher for around 18 months, they started when he was only ELEVEN. The teacher dumped him after finding out he was being friendly with another girl his age.

The rage in the boy, who is probably 16 by now, is still pretty evident. He believed he was loved, and he was betrayed by someone he trusted so much... in such a really bad way.

Oprah commented to the first molester that she is actually very lucky because of the double-standard in the society. Had she been male, she would have gone to prison a longer time... and would be punished harder by society.

The attorney representing the family that came with their son expressed her disappointment with the verdict. Although the molester IS in prison, they feel what she warranted heavier punishment. The attorney further said that if women insist on equal pay for equal work, then they must be subjected to equal time for the same crime.

And abuse, regardless of whether it happened to a boy or a girl... or a grown man or woman, for that matter... is still abuse. The scars it leaves are deep... the impact it leaves on life transcends generations.

I still feel sorry for the molester who was brave enough to guest in the show... but like what Grissom from CSI said... nothing will really be enough to make up for the crime.

righting wrongs

4:17 PM Thursday, April 19, 2007

Borne of an ongoing conversation am having with my Berks friends...

Once upon a time, when I was still dating jerks because am curious of them... there was a guy who made me realize one really valuable lesson, that am still struggling to perfect up to this time.

It's righting the right wrong.

He hurt my feelings. Upset, I also hurt his feelings. When he confronted me, all I could come up with to explain what I had done was the fact that he hurt me first. I judged that my offense to him just made us quits, so to speak.

He scolded me like a child. He told me that if he hurt my feelings, I should have told him so... and let him explain and/or apologize. And that hurting his feelings to pay him back for what he did to me wouldn't make us quits. And that being hurt FIRST shouldn't justify hurting him also.

Not only did I not corrent the wrong that was made, I added to it.

Story of our lives, is it not? :)

It's not studying more when your grades are failing.
It's turning to drugs when you have a problem.
It's running away from home after getting a scolding (you had coming).
It's drinking your troubles away.
It's bringing up past conflicts when caught in a lie.
It's philandering when you have marital problems.
It's committing suicide when things aren't going your way.
It's having an abortion after having unprotected sex.
It's giving the cold shoulder treatment when you have communication problems with your partner.
It's not going for a check-up immediately after noticing a lump.
It's pigging out to make up for feelings of emptiness.
It's driving after you've gone drinking.

One can forgive children and teenagers for such stupidity... due to lack of life experience. But adults should know better. And we should do better.

Let's deal first with whatever is going wrong with our life, before courting more disasters. Let's preserve what we do have still: a life, a love, a beloved, a chance, time, our health, our marriage, our relationships, our friends, our future, our sanity, our dignity, our integrity.


8:51 AM Friday, April 13, 2007

Yesterday, I was chatting with a guy friend. He told me he's finally able to slowly move on, and that he and gf have broken up.

His news gave me such sadness... especially since I found out that the girl was unfaithful (many times, actually). But I wasn't exactly sorry for him because he was betrayed. I felt sad because... he used to be married once to this really beautiful woman, and already had three kids with her.

But he had to be unfaithful... leaving his wife fed up. She divorced him and took the kids with her to the US. His parents and siblings also sort of disowned him for breaking up his family.

Worse, he chose a woman who played mistress for a while to some big-time CEO... and kept forgiving the girl for still continuing with her relationship with a Malaysian boyfriend. But the girl left him for some other guy (hmm, the Citibank exec?).

He's still very mad with the girl... and wishes karmic retribution to come swift after the girl's a$$. I dared not say the joke's on him. But I do wish him well, after all, he's still my friend.

And I hope he CAN be happy again... considering what he lost.


I tell the story to some other guy friend... and he comments "Serves him right for being caught, and not knowing how to appease the wife so she wouldn't leave."

It's actually laughable, the nerve of him to think that... and not think that the guy shouldn't have been cheating in the first place. Needless to say, he also cheats on his wife. The wife knows, but given that she's a housewife with five kids, she hasn't the courage to leave him.

Which is to say that not even a U.P. degree gives everyone an edge.


Several months ago, we had an infidelity scare involving my Dad.

It turned out to be a false alarm... but my sister got so upset, and asked me several times to confront the girl. Not just confront pala, but to actually engage in hair-pulling action with the girl.

I confronted the girl (via phone) and my Dad. And I scolded my Dad for even letting himself be placed in a situation where he will be rumored to be philandering, and betraying our Mom.

I explained to my sister... that even if it were true, that our Dad found a mistress, I still wouldn't be picking a fight with the girl. But I sure as hell will be picking a fight with my Dad. A woman can only be excused for having an affair with a married man (or a taken man) if she didn't know the man was taken... and if she breaks it off upon learning the truth. But even if she actively knew and had the affair anyway, it's still our Dad who has to answer to us.

Because he was the one involved in the family, and betraying the family. I cannot expect another woman to care about us, and she isn't bound by any law or contract to do so. But our Dad made a commitment to our Mom, and supposedly loving us, he should be the first to know how much our hearts will break. And if he does betray us, he should be the one punished.

But society is always harder on the girl... mostly because men are still thought to be 'polygamous by nature'.

Look at the Kris Aquino - James Yap - Hope triangle. People bashed Kris (well, I always bash her) and Hope (home wrecker!) but they took pity on James... poor star basketball player who has a wife who won't let him play with friends and hang out. Sus. They're all at fault.



You can choose to support the lone Pinoy vying for the win, or not. But do check out the WHO Photo Contest, and be touched by the photos... enough to want to be healthy yourself, and enough to better the overall situation however way you can.

another post about an ex

8:49 AM Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"Hi! I'm here at my parents' house sorting out my personal stuff coz some of them were eaten by termites. Good thing the box filled with our memorabilias weren't damaged. Just finished rereading some of your letters. I just want to say thank you for being part of my life and for the love we shared then."

I got this text message from an ex (one I used to refer to as GLD, but he's not that anymore) last Saturday. He's the same guy who lost a sister recently.

I couldn't help but smile at the thought of all the things he must have unearthed for that period in his life where I was included. After all, we both loved writing letters. We both loved giving cards and gifts. Heck, once I even had a sister's friend draw (using oil pastel) a sunset scenery of a beach and lovers walking hand in hand. Sigh. The energy I used to put in mushy-ness.

Can't say I regret it though. I actually miss being that thoughtful, resourceful and creative.

And I have to admit to something now. Most of the things that ex gave me are all properly kept too. They're in a bag that still hangs on a wall in my old bedroom. And I can't say the same about all the things my hubs' gave me, lalo na before. I even had to turn my bedroom upside down, looking for all of my hubs' letters to me (all 7 of them, in a span of almost 6 years) before getting married. There was another guy I was in love with before whose letters (and drawings) to me were also kept well, so one can just imagine the guilt I was feeling over not having cherished more the letters the man I was going to marry gave me. But then again, hubs' Mom had to also save all my letters from hubs' junk. And he was not much of a letter-writer... eventhough he had his moments of extreme mush.

Some people are letter-writers... some are just not. So i've forgiven myself for my lapses.

And in the end, though the love letters of past loves cannot help but bring a smile to my face again (heck, even the ones written by neighborhood boys in notebook paper)... and warmth in my heart... or maybe even some tinge of sadness and wondering... it's nice to know that love letters aren't the only other testaments to a great love.

Think instead of a wedding ring. Or something more intangible... like commitment. :)

close encounter with the ex kind

1:34 PM Monday, April 02, 2007

Went to Lipa yday with hubs and sis for my godson's 7th birthday. I heard someone mention the complete name of an ex... I think he was trying to make parinig to me. Anyway, sure enough, ex was there and he said hello. I asked if he was just on vacation or if he's in the country for good already, then I introduced him to hubs.

Hubs was like, who was he? I told him, he was an ex. Hubs again was like, 'but you never mentioned him before' and I was like, 'well, I consider him more a fling than an actual someone I had a relationship with'.

Hubs, being the kulit guy he is, teased me about the ex all afternoon. My sister and cousin were a little worried that he was jealous, but he actually just likes teasing me... he also brought up the fact that I kissed my ex (the one who lost a sister) on the cheek. Well, that one WAS weird because I was thinking of hugging him (to comfort him) actually, but I think he thought I meant to beso him so he offered his cheek... and in the flurry of the meeting, I bridged the distance and gave him a peck on the cheek.

Oh anyway, back to the ex from yesterday... I think we were 'on' for only some two months. That was a terrible time for me because some girl fancied him so much, she and her cousins made summer vacations in Lipa a terrible time for me. My college friends also teased me a lot about not really being into good-looking guys (I still think ex wasn't ugly, but he wasn't much to look at talaga). I actually liked him because unlike most of the guys from that barrio, he had a dream. He was a self-supporting college student, very responsible, very grounded. But I think we both got carried away by the teasing...

I can't believe I actually demanded that he write letters... lolz, and he used to fill up pages of complaints about how his fingers are already aching. :D

Then, one summer night... I decided to confront him if he's up to having a relationship. If there ever can be one, then that would be the best break-up ever. It was like, I was counseling him... making him verbalize his thoughts and feelings. I also kept laughing. And I kept reassuring him that we're ok.

And I truly did not hear the sound of hearts breaking... especially my own.

But of course, my ego was a little nicked when not two months after we broke up, I heard he was going steady with the girl who fancied him. They were steadies for a longer time than we were, but mostly because the girl really fancied him :D After they broke up, I heard this girl telling our other friends how sorry she was for being horrible to me.

Ex worked abroad and met someone there. Before marrying that girl, he e-mailed me, apologizing about the past, and sort of apologizing that he's marrying someone else. Weird but I had to reassure him again that am ok and I didn't hold him to any of his promises of love.


I am amazed at how the years have flown... and how silly and melodramatic some of my decisions have been. There's sort of more to my story about this ex, but for that, one has to refer to his best friend.