1:53 PM Friday, July 30, 2004

Just got back from lunch out with a friend. He gave me a dvd, a vcd and of course, WC...

Anyway, felt kinda teary when I opened the CD... it's so easy to like, burn songs into a CD nowadays... but I was touched with the effort nonetheless, and the utmost care in the selection of songs :)

More than that, I was touched with the lyrics sheet that came with the compilation...

Anyway, a post I made in MTC... How are you today?

TOUCHED... because a friend gave me some stuff he made just for me, because he loves me and supposedly because he considers me a really good friend

WORRIED... that same friend might not be as happy as I believe he can be, and that he'd continue with his self-fulfilling prophecies of alone-ness

HAPPY.... that am really loved by friends and that I have friends i really love...

GRATEFUL.... that after a while, i really learned that I can endure and that i really have worth

Thank you Jay... mwahhh!!!

9:26 AM Thursday, July 29, 2004

(part of an e-mail I just sent


a simple line no... but it's kinda hard to do when you're racked with pain at nights...

when you want to make the pain tangible...

when a part of you wants to believe that you deserve such agony, for why else would you be driven to your knees?

I remember before, when love for myself was threatened by how my relationships were, I couldn't think of anything better to do than pray for death... couldn't think of anything better to be than dead... as opposed to a living dead who lacked purpose...

I'm just glad there were people who really loved me, people who supported me because they know who I really am, and that being pathetic and lost was just a phase...

they were gentle to me... and now, in times when i feel lost or invisible or just plain confused and overwhelmed, I hearken to the truth that I am loved and I am capable of loving...

it's easier to forgive myself for being human, nowadays...


Jumbo Jap at Rob Place rocks... I was treated to tuna sashimi and fresh oysters... the oysters scrubbed so clean (I missed its salty essence) and served on a plate with ice (so that I found it hard to relish them in my mouth because they're too cold).

Still, I felt like a pampered baby last night... nothing beats a good meal indeed!

Life is good... ahihi

10:16 AM Wednesday, July 28, 2004

My brother and his common-law wife threw a party at Jollibee for my nephew.  They hired three mascots to entertain the kids... all of whom were stupid enough to think that a child of Pyro's age (diminutive compared to them in their Jollibee, Hetty and Popo suits) would LOVE to have them gang up on him at the same time.

Of course my bloody nephew howled with fear. And his cousin some 6 months older also wailed miserably.

Other than that, Pyro did like looking at them from afar... cooing his adorable "Hooo.." as he watched them mascots dance around and have pictures taken with the other kids (one of my nephews decided to avenge Pyro and kept trying to take Jollibee's head off... the same one who tried pushing Gremlin off the stairs at his own party last Feb).

Anyway, the lolo and two lolas were beaming with pride and happiness throughout. And the cathedral windows (fancy gelatin for the uninitiated) I made was such a hit. Pyro's Nemo cake was deliciously icing-filled, everybody hated it except yours truly.

Pictures to follow... once our MIS people allows me to install winzip again, and my digicam program.


I want oysters. I crave them. I long for their unique, melt-in-your-mouth taste. But alas, Sunday found me eating Franks and Cheese pizza at Pizza Hut.

So Monday night found me wide awake and restless in bed, wondering how I can get my hands on some oysters. I comforted myself with instant noodles instead.

Tuesday found me begging equally-financially-challenged friends to treat me to oysters. Of course, no luck.

Wednesday morning finds me morose. My Friday prospect of feasting at Oysterboy is still very much tentative, which really saddens me as i've already gotten my best bud to promise and treat me to a plateful of fresh oysters, all my own.

Worse, the date tonight wants to try this Jap place (not that I don't love tuna sashimi) and watch I, Robot.

Yes, I feel like bleeding tears. How can people around me be soo insensitive to what makes me happy? I'd be pouting if it wouldn't make more miserable than I already am...

Sigh... still no oyster feast.


It's mean but i've been seriously having fun at someone else's expense. This person had the gall to have a homepage riddled with really bad English.

I know I'm not exactly perfectly fluent. But I feel my typos and usual subject-verb agreement mistakes can be forgiven. As it is, I know am not trying hard (and stupidly) to write and speak the language.

And I don't think am being an intellectual snob when I cringe at really bad English. Like what a friend said, if you can't speak it, don't.  And then there's the difference between a person not having exemplary command of the language (remember defending a thesis? or just reporting in class? or aiding a foreigner to the right street?) and people just really being pretentious and wanting to sound smart and coño.

Worse, don't leave links to your site everywhere, only to have people laughing at how you've murdered the language and offended Shakespeare.

Honestly, if you guys know how insufferably lacking in integrity this person is, and if you get to read the homepage am talking about... you'd be having nightmares too.

12:50 PM Thursday, July 22, 2004


He was carted off to attend Mass... ate lots of pizza. His lola prepared a lot of food, and so he had spaghetti for dinner. He wore a spiderman jersey. His poo smelled terrible. He knocked his head on a chair. He slipped. His parents had a hard time assembling his first birthday gift, which was a car. He almost caught his fingers at the toy car's compartments. His dad used the ribbon from the gift wrap as seatbelt. He merrily honked his way around the sala. We had choco caramel cake. He was filled with glee while we surrounded him to sing him his birthday song.

Yes, he is loved to a fault. May life be good to him. 

5:08 PM Tuesday, July 20, 2004

St. Pancratius Chapel  
Sunday found me revisiting Paco Park...  yes, to attend Mass again. I was pleasantly surprised to see that the wedding we were all waiting to end was actually a golden wedding renewal of vows. Seeing the elderly couple march down that aisle cannot help but make me more hopeful of better things that I believe await me...   One also cannot help but pause and wonder how many storms couples like them have probably weathered... and one cannot help but wonder if he (in this case, i) is (in this case, am) made of the same mettle... and if he (in this case, i) will celebrate vows he (in this case, i) made 50 years ago with pomp and gratefulness...  
Surprisingly, the homily was really good. Gospel last Sunday was Jesus' visit to the sisters Mary and Martha. In elaboration of how people, especially Pinoys, get caught up in the spirit of hospitality for visitors, the priest told of how he once was traumatized to know that they were feasting on one of his pet chickens...   Which reminds me of how my friend Libet abhorred her own birthdays for a time... because her pet turkey was once served as her own birthday dinner... Imagine looking to feed your pet hours after having eaten him... and realizing he's gone, you've eaten him, it's your birthday, you have no more pet, and the adults in your life are just really soooo cruel... not to have told you of the sacrifice/abomination they were planning...  
*~*   Same priest, after an appeal to the people to not eat up his fingers, or offer their boobs when receiving Holy Communion, ended the Mass by sharing a prayer that I just really, really, really found beautiful...  
Dear Lord, your will
Nothing more, nothing less
Nothing else
Such surrender... :) 
(I was fuming mad about not getting my hands on this choco caramel cake... so i took revenge on this rocky road cake... heaven help me, a woman is just not supposed to eat half of a cake in one sitting!!!)

10:38 AM Tuesday, July 13, 2004

End of last week found me sick. And I had to drug myself heavily in order to attend our company's Anniversary Night and my spa date with friends.

Sunday found me, gasp! shock! attending Mass... and eating my way out of super fresh tuna sashimi and oysters.

Monday let me know that the Nemo sacrifice was well worth it... the recipient called to cry to Mommy and ask her why Nemo was wet and pinned on a clothesline.

Yesterday also found me with my last P500 and buying the 5th Harry Potter book. I read up to 1/3 of it, till around 3 am... and so, am looking all kinds of loony and feeling all kinds of restless (i knew it, i should have delayed my gratification till the weekend).

Still not speaking with my sister, and i've started dreaming about her.

Oh and yeah... Mr. JRA, thank you for the flowers last Thursday... and the sweet surprise that you always are.

11:32 AM Monday, July 05, 2004

Weekend was relatively uneventful, quiet, relaxing...

It was also crazy since I started devouring my new Harry Potter books (first four books), something i've been curious about since 2000 when I first heard about it... something i've been meaning to buy when i've heard that most are already in paperback editions... something i've refused to read from digital copies being offered me (i dunno about you guys but i think digital copies and reading the endings first are sacrilegious acts)

I started friday night... and at 9:00 PM last night, I finished Goblet of Fire.

And having liked the movies, now I also LOVE the books... and am now a Harry Potter fan (actually, a Hermione, Weasley twins and Sirius Black fan).

And I cannot help but smile at the love that brought me said books.. am truly grateful for revisiting a childhood experience... just huddled up at home, losing hours in just reading quietly in some corner.


Mom is ok, albeit still a stubborn recuperating patient.


Last Friday, I made a sort of painful decision.

See, some 3 weeks ago, I bought two stuffed Nemos... one for my nephew and another for me. Of course, my nephew was destined to drool over both... even mine. I've gotten used to smiling whenever I look at my bed because Nemo would be there, smiling.

Anyway, my colleague has been looking for such for her 2-yr. old son since time immemorial. She's been teasing me about not buying her one (actually, i didn't know her son liked Nemo so much until I shared the news of my good buy).

Anyway, last Friday... i saw same colleague asking another colleague to print pictures of clown fishes. And of course, my heart broke that she's reduced to that.

And so, I told her, if she wants my Nemo... she can have it.

And so, I was sad last Friday... sad that i'd be saying goodbye to the stuffed toy that lights up my bed... and sad that I didn't make a child happy sooner.

Anyway, was able to detach myself from my Nemo... and I already have pictures for souvenirs (can't post any, no host). And today i've given up my Nemo to my friend, and she was so happy for her son and was so embarrassed that I'm parting with it... and of course, grateful and excited for her son...

And me... I'm excited for Miko too... hope I can see the delight in his face when he sees his new toy.

And my sister has warned me not to bring out my nephew's toy on his birthday, lest we cause other children to want and cry over it. (see, the only other Nemo i've found isn't as cuddly as the ones I bought...)