4:30 PM Tuesday, December 30, 2003

It's official... 3 consecutive days of rain or cold weather and I'm gonna have to be sexually fulfilled...

This is bad...

9:27 AM Tuesday, December 23, 2003

Jet was everything the woman I thought she'd be... funny, intelligent, charming, warm, strong...

We had some girl time alone... she talked about the early years of her marriage... got me misty-eyed a lot of times... ooohh, then again, am just a super-sensitive freak...

Then we were joined by towers of chink and all kinds of lovable...

It was every bit the meeting I wanted it to be... and I needed it to be...

See you next year ulit sis... Merry Christmas...



3:13 PM Wednesday, December 17, 2003

date with college friends : Rob Place, Dec. 20, 2003
date with jet : Mega Mall, Dec. 22, 2003

A week before Christmas and I still haven't bought my family anything... and I am suffering from on-and-off fever and allergic rhinitis...

9:17 AM Tuesday, December 16, 2003

How does one exactly behave in a wake?

How does one behave if it's the wake of your friend's father... the man who kept peeping on you all these years since... 1994? Add to that, he's also the father of 3 other guys who watched you dress and undress since they moved in next to your bedroom window.

All I can say is... it was more than a trifle creepy and awkward. Of course, my sis and cousins are all creeped out at home. But still, I owed my high school friend and neighbor my presence. And so I went.

I could just die when the son who tried dating me was offering me some juice and crackers. And no offense meant to the dead, am sure he was a good father and grandfather... but I've never been ok with the idea of looking at lying corpses inside coffins, what more... him?

Memories of him lying wait to watch me in different states of dress and undress... couldn't escape me. Sigh...

Then again, can I just say that all 3 sons by him are single and very much available right now? Dang...


Have I ever said that a man in plain, white, round-collared shirt turns me on? Especially if he can wear it real ruggedly while appearing squeaky clean at the same time? Ooooh.... the man with me at the jeep was soooo... enticing to look at. And his lashes... sooo tantalizingly looong... I couldn't help but wonder how it is to be given butterfly kisses by him...

Such sinful thoughts so early in the morning... tsk tsk tsk

3:28 PM Friday, December 12, 2003

I don't know what I had planned around this week last year, or this date last year... but my cellphone has been reminding me to uhm... exercise my PC muscles all day...


1:31 PM Thursday, December 11, 2003

This is my new love.

Actually, I'd always be in love with THE COMPANY... and i'd always love their songs... and watching them, and being to actually see their faces, last night at Klownz... was a really great thing for me.

Hinihintay sa buhay ko
Isang magmamahal
Ngunit habang hinihintay
Lalong tumatagal
Malapit nang mapagod
Ang puso kong ito
Pero teka, sandali lang
May sasabihin ako sa iyo

Hindi kaya...
Baka ikaw na nga
Meron ka bang naramdaman
Akala ko'y wala
Parang ngayon sa tingin ko
Sa kilos mo't galaw
Siguro nga ikaw na yon
Ano kaya ikaw ba yun
Siguro nga ano kaya
Baka ikaw

Pag hindi hinahanap
Saka dumarating
Ganon ba ang pagibig
di ko lang to napansin
Nariyan ka lang pala
Pinagod pang puso ko
Pero teka sandali lang
May sasabihin ako sa iyo

Repeat Chorus

10:51 AM Wednesday, December 10, 2003


My cousin is borrowing money from me. He's also concerned that other people might talk about how he's not the one spending for his eldest child's 7th birthday party... He also keeps insisting that the mother of that child has brainwashed her against her own father... and that, if only he'd have a decent job, he'd get Ela from her mother and have her live with his mother.

Such intentions, he believes, make him a good enough father. And I, in my pain for my niece, couldn't bring myself to point out to him the following things:

* he doesn't give money for milk, food and education for the child
* he has missed every birthday this child has
* he threw a party w/ clowns for both of his sons w/ his wife... a party where this first daughter is present...
* he missed this child's graduation from Kindergarten

I wasn't brainwashed by the mother of that child. I know he's lacking as a father and I hate him for it. I love his other kids. But I hate him for hurting Ela... no child should be treated that way. And she deserves a 7th birthday party... and she's getting it.


My brother, who couldn't buy milk for his son, is saving up for a new cellphone w/ a camera. His partner, who couldn't buy diapers for the baby, can treat my sister and cousins to bars and drinks... and also buy useless toys for the child. My mother, who budgets for the household expenses, keeps on complaining that none of us is helping out... while also buying milk and diapers for the baby. My father, who has retired to the province, only cares that we visit him there. Me, because I don't want my mother complaining about money, will buy the ilk and diapers instead for my nephew. Aside from this, I would buy groceries for the house. And still, I will be deemed... not helping out.

And now, they've come to a decision to further enable my poor excuse for a brother to become more self-insufficient. They are expanding the house. They are giving them a bigger room. They are getting my brother's room air-conditioned since my nephew has skin asthma. And who gets obligated to foot the additional expenses? Of course, the single, working aunt. Me.

And though I will never regret buying milk for my nephew (I love the child so much, everyone knows that)... it really hurts me how unfair this is all for me. How come, my brother gets to pull such acts and get away with it? Why are thunderbolts and lightning not striking my brother down? He's useless anyway.

It frustrates me... up to when will my Mom let my brother get away with this? Why are my parents harder on me when he's the man who has a son to provide for now? And don't I have a f*ckin' right to be tired? Makes me wanna get married just to move out the house.

I am no saint of a daughter. Yes, I could help out more. Yes, I do have a stable job and I AM single. But my point is, when do they teach my brother some responsibility?

What will happen to my nephew if my Mom isn't around anymore to provide for him?


Looking back at all that i've gone through... I can't help but smile, laugh and feel bad about all the things i've done and all the things that were done to me.

Again, even in moments when I wasn't first choice, even in moments when, a seemingly more conservative girl was chosen over me... or a prettier girl was wanted over me... I'm glad to know that I have always gotten really good men. I have always been loved by really kind men. And the occasional jerks and weirdos are but the icing on the choco-caramel cake.

Ahhh... my love life. Rich. Tempting. Exciting. Orgasmic. Sinful. Memorable. Wonderful. Harsh. Enlightening. Enriching.

And not without its consequences.


It's funny, I realized I could eject dicks when am laughing, so I probably can do that at will. Especially since I can grip at will and have experienced the occasional LOCKS wherein a man believes for a moment that he'd lose his d!ck to my Miau. Then again, never underestimate the power of a vagina, right?

Anyway, my sex life has been great. Apart from getting scared of aggravating my UTI (which I experienced na long before I had sexual encounters), and the occasional no-hole/wrong-hole pumps that couldn't help but hurt... I've really had a more than great time exploring and enriching my sensuality... my sexuality.

And feeling other women's boobies nowadays is just a naughty something that adds to that rich celebration of my body.

And thank God for gentle, loving... lovers.

And up to now, I do not mourn the virginity I gave up so many years ago. And I do not mourn not having waited to get married before having sex.

Also, I do not mourn the lost opportunities... for all the men who have propositioned me and promised me heavenly delights... that I turned away.

And ahhh, the fun i've had. And the stories this body can tell...

5:13 PM Tuesday, December 09, 2003

I am not doing a good job at NOT COMPLICATING things... tsk tsk